the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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