Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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