I could have mohawked her pubes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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