so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
