I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I need water and some morals
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
