oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
