I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
