I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
