I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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