I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
