thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
