Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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