The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
