the condom got lost in my hair
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
