I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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