In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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