i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
