Do you still have your period?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
