Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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