the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
