Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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