I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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