we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
