Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
