So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
