I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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