I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
