I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
