I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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