i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
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She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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