yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
