HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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