Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
