Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
