You just made me feel so damn special
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
