trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
