I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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