Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
