Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
