im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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