Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
