its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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