Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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