My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
