If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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