Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Your penis caused this!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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