if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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