i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
