Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
