i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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