i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
