that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
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this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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