I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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