Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
