i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Who did Billy Mays play for?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
