we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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