I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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