It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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