So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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