there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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