don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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