Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
