every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
