You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
