you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
