Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
one might say we're banned from that church
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
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i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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