some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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