he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
