We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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