Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
