So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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