I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
