Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
