Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
