I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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