ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
