shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
