Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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