Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
